anxious to be alone

after all, that was the point of this whole trip. to spend some time byself just to see what would happen.

being alone makes me feel anxious. i am not one for adventure as much as i would like to be, so this is a test. it was a restless and mostly sleepless night, in spite of a heavenly bed and comforting fire. today the sun is blinding on thick sparkling snow on lake superior, and i spy a walking path.

instead of hopping out of bed to seize the day, i kept the curtains closed till almost 1030, just wondering if i truly want to be alone today. i think my sense and desire of order and predictability have set a routine in my soul that is hard to challenge.

one of the things i did to prepare for this trip was to purchase new socks. i have given up on ever wearing matching socks again - you put 2 in the wash and only one comes out, or sometimes three. tie them together or put them in net bag and still they make a break out the back of the dryer just like andy dufresne in shawshank. lately i've felt like a big risk taker in not caring whether or not my socks match. the other day one was a christmas sock and the other brown stripes. seems to be in fashion now, but for me, it's REALLY living on the egde, baby.

off i go to see where that walking path leads. i have a brand new pair of hiking boots that were made for walking and walking's what i'll do.

with one white sock and one purple, with dots.