i dreamt last night of trying very hard to get someplace and never arriving. there were too many things in my way that i had to step over, so many problems that snuck up on me - like lost keys and soda that was much too warm, children toppling over store displays, and a sprained ankle.
all i wanted was to have a glass of wine on the porch, some porch, some porch that was home and there were people there who loved me. for some reason i didn't love them back but they made me feel welcome, and i finally got that glass of wine, but it was pink.
a moment or two after i awoke this morning the thunder started, then the rain, and i smiled so hard as i turned into the pillow, fluffed it, sat up, and prepared for a perfect sunday in the rain. plenty to do but nothing will get done today, because today nothing is a good enough thing to be a part of.
i watched "the three faces of eve" and i loved all of her faces. especially when they all came together. all the parts of her that didn't make sense lay quietly down to the strong part and she lived happily ever after with a hansome guy and a curly headed child. and they had ice cream cones just before the credits rolled.
in real life the real eve did not experience such a happy ending, her search for one face went on for another 18 years and i am not sure she ever found peace and wholeness and that is sad.
i wonder how many faces i have and i know that they know each other but they don't always get along. and i wonder when one of those faces will be stronger than the others, and show us all what for!
someday she will. but not today, because on this rainy sunday we are celebrating
nothing.
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