michael jackson

i'm watching a recap of michal jackson's funeral with barbara walters, a glass of wine and my own broken promise - "no cigarrettes allowed in the bedroom".

when michael was alive i was one of many who called him a freak, a sad case, a crazy disturbed man. what did he do to those kids and why so many surgeries? freak!

now that he is gone the world is joining in a celebration of the talent, the genius, the gift that he was, and that is what we are remembering.

turns out the bad stuff was conjecture. never proven, no factual evidence that held up in court. all hear-say from people much less rich and perhaps more vulnerable than michael. but we are not remembering that now, now that he is dead we are feeling sorry for him, and for ourselves.

true or false, it reminds me that there are so many more sides than one to each story, and how we as humans tend to latch on to the worst side -- the alleged bad behavior, the things that someone said that someone said. we forget the talent and we forget the genious and we forget the goodness and are not aware of the legacy

until someone is gone.

and then we forget all of that gossip and feel thankful for what he or she was, gave us, and aren't we better people for forgiving him. oh forget all the bad thoughts we had -- what a great loss!

as it happens, he doesn't need our forgiveness, not any more, he's dead. but we forgive and celebrate to make ourselves feel better and hopefully he will hear us now because we were silent when he was with us and now we have changed our minds. some of us anyway, others believed in him all along.

i am feeling a bit ashamed of myself, to have judged a man who had such a sad and tortured life. rather than try to understand, to believe in the gift, to just let him be in my imagination, i joined the gossip, shook my head, and muttered about the tragedy of what he had become, all the time turning my back on the greatness.

to be human, and to cling to the human response of scandal is something many of us do, and i only hope there is a lesson here.

some stories are never truly told. lies become reality and truth lives in darkness.

rest in peace michael jackson,

my profound regrets for not truly honoring your life

till now,

now that you are gone.