that guy's not amish

on a perfect, perfect, early fall afternoon, i noticed an ad in a magazine about Amish mantles. it is a two page spread and it talks about the miracle heaters that slash bills and look so real it's amazing. the portable "Roll-n-Glow Fireplaces" are a home decorating sensation, it says. Good Housekeeping has given them a thumbs up. you will save money: each unit only uses about 8 cents an hour; so turn down your thermostat and never be cold again~!

these babies are handmade in the heart of Amish country USA, and there is a limit of two per household. you know those amish handcrafters, they would hate to overpromise.

my eyes wander back to the photo of the Amish factory where these are made and i say to myself, hey, that guy's not Amish!

the "Amish guy" in the photo has nice cheekbones, a fake beard, and a belly. everyone knows Amish men don't have bellies.

a lass behind him has on a crisp green frock and a pastry cap nesting on her neat coif as she lovingly massages oiled cloth into the swirled wood surface of a handmade mantel.

she's fake too.

i feel like i know more about what is real and not real today, this luscious fall afternoon. because last night i went back home and found my real.

i played comedysportz from 1990 - 2002. i was an orginal member, i was funny, and i could sing. after my first 10 years there i realized that in the past decade everything about my life had changed...my job, my career, my marriage, my circle of friends, my family...so much evolution! the one thing that remained a constant through all those changes was comedysportz. a troupe with a big heart and a lot of determination and we had 6 opening nights because when we got kicked, we got up. and sometimes we were kicked pretty hard.

i left 7 years ago because i felt too old, too fat, too unfunny, and too unwelcome. perhaps those things were not true, but that was how i felt when i walked out for the last time. it was after an 8 o'clock show on a Friday evening in October, 2002.

last night i cashed in my invitation to play again, after 7 years, to celebrate the 20th. nervous, so nervous!!!!

i had the time of my life.

my friends and i have all grown up and we have all turned out so well! we felt honored to see each other, we each wanted every other each to have a great time and that happened, that did happen because of us!

for so long i have worn myself out thinking about how i should be, just how should i be?

Like this!

just like i was with my friends on stage last night. i felt more real in the imgaination of the evening than i have for a very long tie. art imitates life after all!

and they say you can't go home again.