a distrubance in the force

sometimes the best part about having a dream come true is that you were not even sure what it was supposed to be to begin with. have a vision, define your path, make all the pieces come together. what if there is no vision? what if the path is overgrown or your pieces are in pieces? something doesn't feel right these days, we both feel it. somehow that makes it...right.

fifteen years ago i walked out on my life. everything i needed in all the world fit neatly into the back of an '86 ford ranger. anything i needed to fill my heart was outside the house i was leaving. where to? didn't know exactly. no real idea of what i was walking towards, only what i was walking away from.

a voice from heaven. that's what she said -- an aunt i had never met before martha died. but after the service and before the ham sandwiches aunt muriel took me in her arms and used the word "soar". how easy is that, to soar. soaring was easy that day because of the pain. martha dead, her lifelong lover alive but dead, too. lift up, see heaven and soar. easy.

but today we are stifled. let's get something done. inertia is not us. find out what we don't know. learn to make it better. yikes! soaring is reduced to the mechanics of breathing. listening for the resonance from the bones in your face. feeling your voice come not out of your soul, but out of your head.

very uncomfortable if i do say so. keep going he said, fight your way through knowing you may not be able to see it right now -- just like you couldn't see the road beyond your pickup truck -- but even though you can't see it now, it is there.