dizzy on purpose

when i was less than 10 my favorite summer thing to do was to throw my head back, arms out wide and spin and spin and twirl and twirl so fast and long, until i was so dizzy i would fall down. spread out flat on the ground i felt the surging waves of spin washing over me, around and around. it made me laugh when i saw the grass in the sky and the sky under my toes, lying there on that perfect lawn. i loved being dizzy when i was less than 10.

these days i am dizzy again. the sky is down and the ground is up and the horizon is never straight ahead, more likely behind. i can't help looking back at it and i hope that soon i will be able to see that same horizon in front of me, above my head as it sketches out my dreams. i wish to see all that i am walking towards. straight ahead, up high and very still, but for the breeze.

but dizzy is me. i haven't been spinning on purpose to feel this way-- instead i was plucked out of my comfortable safe place - the fragrant backyard of my life. i was dropped in the middle of a turn table - the kind that went missing in the late 80's. i am lying here spinning around in the middle of a record album, and once in a while i grab the spindle in the middle and i touch it just to know that there is a center somewhere.

it was a sunny afternoon today. a bench in the shade and lounging poses provided the perfect front row for admiring red wing blackbirds and baby ducks and fuzzy goslings. kids with ice cream and people walking their dogs. each and all with their own dance steps, a perfectly choreographed thursday afternoon.

why was i here and what are we celebrating? do tell me because i am spinning so fast. the day is approaching and i am not sure which end is up. so tell me why i have been invited to this shady spot on this lovely day...i am not dizzy on purpose like when i was small, but dizzy anyway, afterall.

we are celebrating just being here, just being here, they said.

and dizzy as i am, that is the perfect answer.