for years i have been having math anxiety dreams. or history or french anxiety dreams. i show up a day or two before graduation realizng i haven't attended class all year and the final exam is tomorrow and surely i will fail. i blew off class, i didn't study, i didn't care.
usually i wake up in a shaky sweat reminding myself that i DID graduate, that it is all okay, and then i roll over and go back to sleep.
last night was different. finally after 30 years of that same damn dream, i marched myself into the principle's office, and told him everything. i needed that diploma, goddamit, but i've been awol for thirty years.
he was a nice man. ,he opened the top drawer of an olive green file cabinet, flicked his fingers through rows of manilla folders, and found my records.
well linda, he said, as you know, only 164 credits are necessary for graduation, and you have 171. it doesn't matter about those classes you missed. you are entitled to your diploma. congratulations!
he asked me to sit in the lobby while my diploma was being prepared, which i did. i sat with my legs crossed and my feet bobbing, waiting waiting for this to be over.
a pretty secretary with red hair and a white blouse found me on a used leatherette couch. she handed me a stiff white envelope with a gold Barrington High School seal on the back, which i immediately tore open.
inside, on a piece of parchment, i finally had documention that
Linda Louise Blocksom
has fullfilled all academic requirements for receiving a grade twelve diploma at Barrington High School, 20 Lincoln Avenue, Barrignton, Rhode Island.
it was signed in real ink by the principle AND the superintendent of schools.
what an accomplishment, after all these years.
but the question remains
will the dreams go away?
1 comment:
I think this is the last one. You did it!
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