i hate putting things away. i realized this last holiday season and immediately felt relief after all these years of believing i was shamefully lazy. i'm not lazy, i just know what i like and what i don't like and i try to stay away from things i don't like.
and i don't like putting things away.
so most often, i don't.
i don't mind loading the dishwasher but i don't like emptying it. christmas decorations are fun to haul down and unpack but when april comes and they are covered in dust they make me mad. i like the smell of laundry detergent and the steam that comes out of the house from hot clothes tumbling in the dryer, but when those same clothes wind up in a basket on my bed, it seems useless to fold and sort them as i will wear them all again soon anyway.
this seems to explain other things too, like why so often i live in the past, thinking about places and people and old feelings, good ones and bad ones. i can't seem to put any of you away.
there is word called "closure" that i find rather distasteful and silly. a final conversation, a tearful funeral, closing night parties. these things don't end the experience we were having, they just change the process of our lives and push us in a different direction.
but i cleaned my room today anway and put all my stuff away. looks really nice in there. neat and tidy.
bet it won't last long.
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