pity me. no, don't. i can do that myself and have overindulged in that defeating habit of late. last night between tosses and turns i thought of all the things that don't make sense.
why this heart and why now?
why, after 86 years of faithful service to god did mom die a hideous, slow and painful death in that stinky place with holes in the walls?
why did friendships that used to steer my strength fall away after so many years?
why can't i find the one thing i am meant to do and be and just do and be it?
and then you all came around. you offer ferocious love and complete support, good wishes and prayer chains, cups of coffee and sunday morning outings.
and so perhaps...
this heart is showing her personality, that's why she flutters.
lady barbara died with all that she would have asked for and needed: my hand in hers, and the sound of my voice saying "i love you" as she flew off to heaven.
friendships come and go like seasons and trends. sometimes the life of each has gone on to other things, and sometimes they come back in greater richness.
and as for what i am meant to do, perhaps i am doing it already. marcus buckingham says that people don't change as they get older, they just grow closer and closer to what they really are.
blessings for me, so many.
blessings to you.
because of you, everything makes sense.
everything.
1 comment:
Maybe your, our, everyone's answer to our common question, an answer to our human dilemma comes from Jesus, from Shakespeare, from the great thinkers and doers, from all of those forebears. A simple, short answer: Our role is 'to be.' To be present, to love, to be available, to listen, to hold a loved one's hand. Maybe that's it. All of the rest of life is just what we do, because we can, or because we want to, or because we must. Maybe, we just must be, and find purpose and joy in being human, being loved, loving, being here. Everything else, maybe, is just the work, and the hell, of human life.
Imagine looking out your kitchen window. The dog is sitting next to her ball. Waiting. Staring. 'Come play.' Just be.
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